The conflict in adolescent dating relationships inventory
“For openers, instead of interrupting to insist on what I want or arguing to defend my position, I’m going to listen to what you have to say.” Now maybe a new pattern of similarity in conflict can be established. In general, the child tends to incorporate parental values as a way of remaining to close to them, committing to their views about what matters, about what is right and wrong.Come adolescence, however, as the young person sheds her childhood past to create room for independent and individual growth, identification can shift to embrace a more counter cultural definition, for example modeled by rebellious peers and outlaw icons of the popular culture.Now the severity of any conflict between them is intensified by the psychological similarity they share and the power struggles that result.In this situation, the parent must take the lead and use that similarity connection to corrective effect.It takes two to create a conflict, but only one to stop it.As in an argument, each side shares some responsibility for the debate.Cooperation creates the opportunity for a whole series of conflicts: Who gets to do what? For example, there is the adolescent who is feeling hurt from being teased at school who comes home itching to pick a fight with a younger sibling to get her hurt feelings out.
Conflict, and anger in conflict, must never be used as an excuse to do another family member verbal, emotional, or physical harm. Along the way, contesting parental authority is partly how they fight for freedom to become their own authority, leading their own lives at the end when they have succeeded in putting parents out of the active parenting business.
As the adolescent pushes for more individuality and independence, there is usually more conflict from increased differences within the family system.
There is more conflict with parents (differences over freedom and responsibilities, for example), and with siblings (differences over competition or dominance, for example.)This is not a bad thing; it is a necessary thing.
This is no time for parents to get into a value conflict with their bright daughter about the importance or lack of importance of maintaining effort at school.
The more they argue values, the more firmly wed to her new value position their daughter will likely become.
Holding both parties responsible for the conflict, parents hold them separately accountable for their conduct in the conflict to ensure that the rule of safety is observed.