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Toby sounded bleak when he described the Christian literature she regularly sent him about the evils of homosexuality and how gays were being plagued by AIDS as punishment from God.I asked Toby what he thought about his mother's views of his sexuality.Toby is a white, 35-year-old, HIV-negative gay man who came to see me because of depression and loneliness.A successful and ambitious architect, he worked exceptionally long hours to make partner in his firm.Toby almost never made a date to see any of these men a second time.Toby was sexually versatile but preferred to be the top.
Toby was an only child raised in the Midwest by a devout Baptist single mother who had been deserted by Toby's father shortly after Toby's birth.
He said it helped him lose his inhibitions and cut loose on the dance floor.
At the end of the night he would usually end up going home with someone he had just met.
We explored his conflicted feelings about his relationship with his mother.
On the one hand, he recognized that the way his mother treats him was damaging to his self-esteem and was deeply painful.